so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
