I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
