we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
