It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
