...so i touched it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
