seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Are we still banned from the library?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just pee around me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
