seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
