you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
