How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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