I could have mohawked her pubes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
