What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
