Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
