So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
