don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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