Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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