so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
