idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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