brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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