Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
