Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
