I just made out with a guy for $7.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
