Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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