Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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