I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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