i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
