it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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