tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
