He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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