You made me cry and you don't even care
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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