That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
