No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
