1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
