God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
