i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
