Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
