ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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