Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
