I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
