Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
