respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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