put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
