Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
