why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
pray to the hookup gods
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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