My sheets look like a crime scene.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just high enough for therapy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
