Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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