at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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