I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
