I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
