We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
