you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think my moral compass just broke
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
