He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
